day 14
It’s been 14 days since deleting my social media apps.. I wont lie, this shit is NOT easy. Yesterday, I randomly pulled up certain IG profiles on my computer.. I guess I was scratching an itch, I don’t know but if I’m being perfectly honest with myself, and y’all, this is the LONELIEST Ive ever been. Probably in my LIFE.. at least in past isolation periods I had social media to feel somewhat connected. Now, I have nothing. Every day that goes by and my phone doesn’t ring, I’m learning that a lot of my connections were transactional and that’s ok. I’m not ringing anyones phone either so I get it. I’m almost CERTAIN those IG pages I stalked yesterday haven’t thought about me once in MONTHS.
Deleting social media while having a flourishing social life (in real life) is different from deleting it with NO social life in the real world. This kind of silence would drive a normal person CRAZY but I look at it like a challenge. This chapter of my life is FORCING me to be uncomfortable and I know it’s for the best but Im in the THICK of it! The other night I got a text from an unknown number and got excited… that’s how bad it is. It was the wrong number. So there’s that.
It’s almost as if most people only think of me when they need something. One thing I noticed from posting my work everyday before I deleted my apps was that NO NEW people wanted to work with me, it was only the people that already know me saw my posts and its like it reminded them to ask me for favors. I might be thinking too deeply.
I’m finding joy in other things now. I joined Substack and read at least 3 articles a day, sit outside and talk to God while I watch the wind blow in the trees, buy fresh flowers bi-weekly, and go for more walks. I haven’t been doing art like I should or go to the gym, but it’s only been 2 weeks and I still have 90 more days to go. I plan on ending this on my 46th Birthday, but who knows, I might really like it here.
DAY 7 OF 103.
Its Tuesday. Not even a full week since deleting my social media apps and I’m already starting to stress out. Yea, the quiet definitely helps my mind, the disconnect from all of the bad news feels good, but knowing that my absence might affect getting work is scary. Social media just increases the, “Out of sight, out of mind” theory. Will I be forgotten? Will people think I closed? It already feels like it’s affecting my income….but I have to remember why I did this. Even as I type this, I’m asking myself why Im even making this blog entry…. who will even read it? You have to subscribe to read these and no one has subscribed… maybe them inner thoughts were right, I am washed… no one really cares and all of this is for nothing.
I guess that’s the crazy part of this…so I’ll continue to write regardless of how pointless it may feel.
This past weekend we had our 5th Annual Good Human Day. I had just driven to Tennessee the day prior to celebrate a friend Army promotion and to Alabama that morning to pick up food for the event, I was exhausted to say the least. The clouds were forming, but it wasn’t supposed to rain. Unfortunately, by the time the event started, the rain did as well. It wasn’t a crazy pouring rain, just a light drizzle… but enough for me to cancel. My daughter refused to let the rain stop the show, so we went through with the event and “danced in the rain”. Last year, it rained so we rescheduled it for a later day and it ended up being 98 degrees, no good seating or shade, and not a lot of people showed up. Not gonna lie, its super frustrating when you put a lot of money, energy and time into something FREE for others and it doesn’t go as expected or people just don’t show up… or even text to apologize for missing it.
I take that kinda personal because I rarely ask for support for my initiatives.
Anyways, today is Tuesday and I got my work done by 3pm, I have instrumental music playing on the iPad while I type this. My mind is all over the place and Im fighting the urge to just crawl back in bed and go back to sleep. But, just like I challenged myself to post once a day before leaving social media, Im challenging myself to post once a week here for the rest of the year….Even if Im the only person that reads these.
DAY 1 OF 103.
Logging off….
The day has finally came. The day I delete all of my social media apps off of my phone and go off the “internet” grid. In 103 days, I will be 46. I decided to do an extreme fast leading up to that day. This isn’t just fasting from social media, it's fasting from the continuous DOOM and GLOOM, the over saturation of artificial EVERYTHING, the debates, the ignorance, the anxiety I feel when I see yet another BREAKING NEWS article, the constant comparison I battle every time I see a graphic design post really cool content and I feel like a dinosaur, my shitty attention span, terrible eyesight, and the 9+ hour distraction it causes me daily. I need my life back.
Today, after watching yet another DUMPSTER FIRE speech from the orange man, my heart started beating really fast… my chest started hurting and I couldn’t breathe… It’s too much.
It’s a new day.
I started my day at a new walking trail enjoying the breeze and a clear mind. I archived all of my IG posts and posted my final post, then deleted my last and final social media app. I already feel myself coming back to life. At this very moment, the weather is beautiful, the sky is blue, the leaves are changing colors, and I had a great lunch, I’m present and I don’t know what’s happening in the world. Looking forward to more of this
As far as work goes, I’m not closing the door. I’m still here and welcoming new clients. While I won’t be creating content aimed at chasing likes or shares, I’ll be keeping everyone updated through weekly subscriptions to “Bex Talks.” It feels right to slow down on the noise but stay connected in a more meaningful way.
Thanks for coming to my Bex Talk!
