day 14

It’s been 14 days since deleting my social media apps.. I wont lie, this shit is NOT easy. Yesterday, I randomly pulled up certain IG profiles on my computer.. I guess I was scratching an itch, I don’t know but if I’m being perfectly honest with myself, and y’all, this is the LONELIEST Ive ever been. Probably in my LIFE.. at least in past isolation periods I had social media to feel somewhat connected. Now, I have nothing. Every day that goes by and my phone doesn’t ring, I’m learning that a lot of my connections were transactional and that’s ok. I’m not ringing anyones phone either so I get it. I’m almost CERTAIN those IG pages I stalked yesterday haven’t thought about me once in MONTHS.

Deleting social media while having a flourishing social life (in real life) is different from deleting it with NO social life in the real world. This kind of silence would drive a normal person CRAZY but I look at it like a challenge. This chapter of my life is FORCING me to be uncomfortable and I know it’s for the best but Im in the THICK of it! The other night I got a text from an unknown number and got excited… that’s how bad it is. It was the wrong number. So there’s that.

It’s almost as if most people only think of me when they need something. One thing I noticed from posting my work everyday before I deleted my apps was that NO NEW people wanted to work with me, it was only the people that already know me saw my posts and its like it reminded them to ask me for favors. I might be thinking too deeply.

I’m finding joy in other things now. I joined Substack and read at least 3 articles a day, sit outside and talk to God while I watch the wind blow in the trees, buy fresh flowers bi-weekly, and go for more walks. I haven’t been doing art like I should or go to the gym, but it’s only been 2 weeks and I still have 90 more days to go. I plan on ending this on my 46th Birthday, but who knows, I might really like it here.